God help me

the more i face myself, the uglier i seem to become.
i don't know if i will ever find the light at the end of the tunnel i fear i am in...
it is so dark and so cold
i feel i get litte glimpses once in awhile, but soon fear it was only my mind playing tricks on me...
who am i?
who have i become?
this i ask everyday, several times, and i am constantly shocked by the answers...
if our actions are all that define us, than i am near to the worst person i have ever met...
where do you draw the line, between hurt suffered and pain inflicted... when will i stop the cycle of abuse..
ok, so i've been wounded... can i ever overcome? will i ever move on?
can i ever trust again? love again?
smile?
sing?
stop complaining and whining, and judging and accusing...
it has to stop, it can't go on....

but how?
when?
where are you oh Lord, my refuge?